A quantum mechanical proof of the existence of the Christian God

It is well known, especially to those of us who live in California, that quantum mechanics proves that we live in a fundamentally spiritual reality.

This, however, is weak tea. Quantum mechanics—the most fundamental description of physical reality we have—can give us an even better focused glimpse of the fundamental Cause behind physical existence. We can use it prove the existence of God. Even better, we can use it to show that a specifically Christian God is the sustainer of material reality.

Let’s start with the most fundamental relationship in quantum mechanics, the commutator between the position x and momentum p:

As we might expect, we will find God in the most fundamental things. So let’s take the expectation value of the fundamental commutator. The commutator is just a number, not an operator. It cannot vary in value. Therefore, its expectation value is just that number:

That much is trivial, so far. Note that this expectation value is the same for every state ψ.

We can now try to calculate this directly.

In the interest of working with the most fundamental states, let us say the state is a position eigenstate,

And since position is a physical observable, its associated operator operates the same way toward the right and toward the left. (It’s “Hermitian.”) This means that

Putting this into the calculation, we end up with

Gathering everything together, this means

But all this leads us to conclude that therefore

This is impossible, since Planck’s constant is not zero.

At this point, materialist scientists will be stuck, since this exposes a contradiction in the heart of one of their favorite theories. There is, however, a way forward, if only they adopt a more open conception of science and allow theology to extract them from the hole they dug for themselves.

Now, we have to acknowledge that there is a fundamentalist school of theological responses to the quantum paradox just described. The fundamentalists say that the easiest way to restore consistency is to say that

Planck’s constant is zero. This means that there are, in fact, no quantum effects in nature. Classical physics is correct! The fundamentalists welcome this as a restoration of Biblical common sense, and a counterargument to modernist accusations that the Bible cannot be literally true, since it fails to anticipate quantum physics.

Liberal theologians, however, have spent a lot of energy arguing that Christianity is fully compatible with modern physics. They even say that quantum mechanics reveals an even more glorious Creation of God, much more satisfying than the crude Bronze Age metaphors taken literally by the fundamentalists.

We can now add some even stronger support to the liberal, sophisticated theological position. After all,

is just the sort of thing that the Christian philosophical theological tradition has been good at explaining. We know, as infallible truths and mysteries of the faith, the following equations:

These express the Trinity, the fully human and fully divine nature of Christ, and the Incarnation.

We know that quantum physics is true, and hence that Planck’s constant is nonzero. We also find that it must be zero. Reconciling such apparent contradictions is exactly what Christian theology is all about! We see, demonstrated mathematically through the apparatus of quantum mechanics, that we need a specifically Christian sort of God to prevent quantum mechanics from collapsing in a heap of contradictions. Indeed, in the most fundamental theory of physics, we see a clear and unmistakable sign that it is a Christian God—the God of such mysteries as the Trinity and the Incarnation—who has created and sustains quantum mechanical reality even in the face of seeming contradictions.

We take the proof presented here to be infallible. In particular, we strenuously denounce the heresy of commentators who claim that it is really Zen Buddhism that is supported by

They say that since Planck’s constant is zero and non-zero, this hints at the paradoxes Zen is famous for, also empasizing the nothingness (the zero) that Buddhism directs us toward. This is clearly absurd, and certainly immoral.