The following are recent statements by Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, and the explanations of those statements by his staff.
[Note: Yes, this is satire. I am explicitly noting this since the Trump candidacy is proving Poe’s law that reality can become so bizarre that it is indistinguishable from satire.]
Trump: Yeah, shoot crooked Hillary. Shoot her now.
Staff: He meant that photographers should make an effort to shoot candidate Clinton in a more complimentary way, since she often looks a bit frumpy compared to Melania.
Trump: Yeah, I really don’t like black people, OK? I mean, I got nothin’ really against ‘em. I just don’t like ‘em.
Staff: He means he doesn’t just like black people. He loves them!
Trump: Yeah, I’m gonna launch the nukes. Push the button. I’ll do it. No kidding. You got a problem with that?
Staff: Isn’t it great that a candidate for president has a sense of humor? What a joker! He will keep us in stitches as president.
Trump: Yeah, Obama is a member of ISIS. He follows their orders. He has sworn allegiance. He has personally beheaded infidels.
Staff: He means, “Make America great again!”
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