Jesus Wants You to Starve the Poor

From Good Christian Michelle Bachmann:

And Jesus spake unto them saying, “Blessed are the rich, for they shall dine sumptuously. Verily, tiramisu and foie gras are their just rewards, for wealth is ever the product of godly diligence. But woe unto the poor! Bitterness shall be their meat and sorrow their drink, for, yea, the poor are but slothful and indolent, even though they be but two years old.

Verily, it is easier for the rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven for he hath given St. Peter a big tip.

Tax ye not the rich for their riches do trickle upon all. Yea, their enjoyment of yachts and polo ponies shalt thou not infringe.

Thou hast heard that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the unforgivable sin. Not so, I say unto you, but poverty shall not be forgiven in this world or the next. The poor shall be cast into the outer darkness where they will gnash their teeth, being so goddamn hungry.”

Excerpt from The Sermon from the Country Club; The Gospel According to Bachmann, Chapter V; The Republican Bible